BUMI TENGAH: The Malaysian LOTR Blog Parody

Pix #5: Why Sauron needs the One Ring

2006-10-10T10:10:00.000+08:00

Chapter 6.2: Mackragorn meets his Awek

2006-10-06T19:07:00.000+08:00

Mackragorn headed towards the waterfall, awhere he saw the silhouette of his awek. As he approached her, he decided to sneak up on her and surprise her instead.

So... he snuck, and he snuck, and as he was about to jump out in front of her and yell SURPLISE!,... Suddenly, she SPUN AROUND, KICKED him in his BALLS, and in one swift movement, DROP-KICKED him in the shoulder, and when he was lying on the ground groaning in agony, she proceeded to kick him like a football in the kidneys a few more times before finally she finally realised...

"Eh, Mackragorn? It's you? Soli har darling, the haze is so bad I couldn't see who it was until now. I thought its a snatch thief you know, you can never be too careful because nowadays got so many snatch thief..."

"ARRGH. Urk. Gurgle. Argh. Gah..." said Mackragorn.

"...but then hor, I've been taking kickboxing classes at Elfitness First gym and they teach you how to decapitate an orc with one swing of the sword, and how to poke the eyes of a goblin so they can't shoot arrows..."

"gurgle... arg. orrrrgh. buek... Wen.."

"And then hor, my father send me to learn how to sew, of all things. he ask me to sew you a new wardrobe because he said the Mat Rock look no longer in-stail, must be Mat Rempit look now, so I got you a new helmet and stuck your standard there, and now I'm sewing your underwear, that's why i didn't get to go rescue you and Kendo and had to send Glordindel instead..."

"RAKSHARWEN!" yelled Mackragorn. "At least help me up first can or not????"

That woke Raksharwen up from her conversation with herself, and she decided to help Mackragorn up. "Haiyor, you har, so weka. kena drop kick and kicked in kidneys a bit also kenot tahan. I tell you har, my father last time kena chop by that Eyeron also no problem."

With that, the planned romantic moment Mackragorn had planned on spending with his supposed awek was ruined, and he had to go to the Elf Clinic to get MC.

And at that very moment, the bloggits were...

Pix #4: The Lord of Phileodell needs a Secretary...

2006-09-28T22:25:00.000+08:00

Chapter 6.1: The Bloggits Arrive at Phileodell...

2006-08-22T18:51:00.000+08:00

So yeah. When Gandaiz the purple and gang arrived at Phileodell, they saw Kendo already stuffing himself with all sorts of candy bought from Hong Kong, and marveled at the way the magic food of Phileodell had actually made him look even fatter than Suanwise (not that Suanwise was fat in the first place lar... please don't kill me!).

Anyway. When they managed to get over the shock of seeing an even rounder Kendo, the gang looked around. Phileodell was the land of the dancing elves, and everywhere they looked, they saw dancing elves in pink, yellow, red, blue, macam-macam warna tutus, prancing around, some doing the tango, some ballet, some were bellydancing, some were breakdancing ("Hmm, a breakdancing elf in a yellow tutu. NOW I've seen everything. Oh wait, I have seen a the bloggits dress up in bikinis doing the Macarena yet. So that's not everything yet" thought Gandaiz.), and one particularly old one was standing in front of a cafe doing a combination of the Macarena and Ketchup Song to to the beat of a Crazy Frog song.

Anyway, now that they were safe, the gnag decided to split up and enjoy life for a while. ("Remember, tomorrow got AGM. the LORD of PHILEODELL wants to meet us and give us a jamuan ringan" said Gandaiz before they split up).

Kendo decided to eat more candy, Suanwise decided to go the nearby mamak to get some roti pisang. Miniadoc decided to go check out the elves in tutus doing the Rhumba, while Petergrin fell asleep in his rocket powered wheelchair.

Mackragorn, he spied a lenglui hiding behind the waterfall, and terus lesap donno go where....

Eyeron contemplates the resurrection of Bumi Tengah...

2006-07-11T22:47:00.000+08:00

So it was that Eyeron was riding with the Army of the Dead GhostBalls, and did not have the means to update Bumi Tengah, because he was too lazy to think of nonsense to write.

But as time went by, he began to think of more stupid things to write about, and decided that the Bumi Tengah shall rise again, with increased regularity, and with more inane posts.

But... exactly HOW regular, would rely on the response it gets, and how many people actually READ this damn thing... hehe....

Stay tuned....

Chapter 5.2: Glordindel Faces the Ah-Benguls

2006-03-01T00:01:00.000+08:00

...a mob of placard waving demonstraters rushing towards him! The placards said:

"Doctors say: No more cartoons!"
"Cartoons make people laugh! Gives people best medicine!"
"Cartoons are evil! Makes people laugh until stomach ache!"

Scared of the demonstrating doctors, Glordindel turned his kapcai the other way, taking the road down UIA. As he was going down that road, he glanced back to see nine black clad BMX riders chasing after him, chanting Amani by Beyond at the top of their lungs.

The Ah-Benguls were after him!

Now things were getting serious. Glordindel urged his kapcai to go faster (though with his er... substantial bulk, the kapcai was hard-pressed to go up the hill), and he raced round towards the SAMAD roudabout.

There, the Ah-Benguls nearly caught up with him, but he managed to shake them off temporarily by going round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round the roundabout until the Ah-Benguls got dizzy.

(Kendo got dizzy too, and puked in the front basket. Glordindel is an elf, so they don't get dizzy. Must be the hair).

Then, just as they were slowing down, Glordindel ZOOMED off towards his final destination... PhileoDell!

The Black BMX Riders cycled frantically behind them, chasing them closely. By and by, they reached the traffic light junction just outside PhileoDell, where Glordindel just managed to get past the traffic lights just in time! PHEW!

The Ah-Benguls were stuck, not daring to beat the red light (the bad memory of past life samans for running red lights still lingers in their minds).

Stopping at the side of the road, Glordindel got off the kapcai and faced the Ah-Benguls. Remembering his director's orders to stay closer to the book than the movie, he shook Kendo awake (who puked again), and tried to get him to shout his defiance at the Ah-Benguls.

Unfortunately, Kendo was too groggy and was puking so much that he could only say: "Gah! Uwek! BUEK! TULAN!" that Glordindel eventually gave up, decided to prop Kendo up on the handlebars of the Kapcai, and put his ventriloquist skills to good use by moving Kendo's lips with his hands while shouting from behind Kendo's back:

Kendo/Glordindel: HALT! YOU are making me damn tulan! first steal my pictures to get RM50, then now trying to steal my cincin. NO MORE! YOU SHALL NOT HAVE ME! OR THIS CINCIN!"

or something like that (it was hard to tell what Glordindel was shouting behind Kendo's back).

For good measure, Glordindel decided to peek out from behind Kendo and shout: "HAHA! SUCKERS!!!! YOU WANT HIM, BUT CANNOT GET!!!! NYIE NYIE!!!!" (and stuck his tongue out).

Enraged, the Black BMX Riders give a squeak, and urged their BMX bikes across the road, screaming in anger.

SUDDENLY, the traffic light on the other side turned green, unleashing a Minibus-turned-Bas Kilang which HURTLED down the road and squashed the Ah Bengul's BMXs!

(The bus then dragged the Ah-Benguls all the way up the road, back all the way to the Rothmans Roundabout, , where they were set upon by the demonstrating doctors and trampled on.)

Heaving a sigh of relief, Glordindel stuffed Kendo back into the front basket of the kapcai, and proceeded into the Elf stronghold of PhileoDell, with its lush waterfalls, four star Eastin Hotel, and a certain majestic structure called Menara Star..... *sic*

(Meanwhile, while all this is happening, Mackragorn and the other bloggits were casually strolling to their Bill8555 Proton Iswara, got in, drove a bit, stopped by for tea at Kanna Curry House, narrowly avoided a collision with a suicidal Bas Kilang, and arrived at PhileoDell only to see...)

Chapter 5.1: The Debut of Pointy Ears

2006-02-28T00:42:00.000+08:00

Mackragorn looked up, and to his horror, saw standing in front of him, a guy with pointy ears, long blonde hair, a rather hamsap look, and pointing a frozen Koi fish at his neck.

Mackragorn: "GAH!"

DIRECTOR: "CUT! Oi, LeKYolas! You're not supposed to be in this scene! Get off the stage!"

*LeKYolas pouts, and then storms off the stage to go swim with his Koi fishes*

DIRECTOR: "Ok, now that we've gotten rid of that hamsap lou (what was he doing makign a pass at Mackragorn anyway?), we can start again. and... ACTION!"

So, wiping the cold sweat of his forehead, Mackragorn turns back to cutting the lallang. Deciding that the 20 sen pocket knife is too slow, he decides to strap on his grass cutting machine (he carries it around in case got part-time grass cutting job when he is off Pegawai Lalulintas duty), and proceeds to hack bales of lallang at one go.

Mackragorn: BUAHAHAHA! See I so macho. And at anytime soon, my fair lady girlfriend will turn up and we shall make sweet love in the bed of lalang I have made!

Suddenly, as he is fantasizing about his romp in the lallang, he felt cold steel against his neck once again.

he thought to himself: "Aha! She is finally here!" and turns around, only to see....

ANOTHER guy, but with short hair, spectacles, pointy ears, and a little chubby.

Chubby elf: "Behold! I am Glordindel! I have come to help you save Kendo!"

Mackragorn: "GAH! Where is my lady love!?!?! Isn't she supposed to be the one who comes and save me? I have this nice soft bed of lallang all ready and we were going to... er... urm..

Glordindel: "Ahem. Enough dude. You see, the director decided that the movie version where the pouncy elf chick comes out to save the day was just too dumb, and too different from the book version that he decided to follow the book this time around and sent ME to save Kendo instead. Besides, he hates Liv Tyler anyway.

Mackragorn: "NOOOO! What have you done with my beloved then?!?!?!"

Glordindel: "Oh, don't worry. Your awek is now in her room, knitting some new briefs with your standard on them for you."

Mackragorn: "Oh. That's alright then. I was running out of underwear anyway.

So, Mackragorn and Glordindel headed back to the camp, where Suamwise was trying to force a whole lalang grass down Kendo's throat, and they swiftly put Kendo on Glordindel's Kapcai...

Mackragorn: "Wait a minute. A KAPCAI??!??! What happened to your Proton Iswara?"

Glordindel: "Oh. he got a better part in this parody."

... and off he went, with Kendo stuffed in the front basket, putt-putt-putting away down the road.

As they arrived at the Rothmans Roundabout, Glordindel looked back and saw...

Chapter 5.0: Kendo gets sick, Suamwise panics

2006-02-26T12:34:00.000+08:00

Mackragorn rushed over to Kendo (who was covering his ears with his hands screaming, "NOOO!!! AWIE!! AWIE!! STOP THE HORROR!!!") and checked his pulse (to which Suamwise said: "Allo, brader. The fella still screaming and kicking lar. Mana ada mati?"), and finally, looked at where the Virch-King had stabbed Kendo with a Swiss (Danish-made) Army Knife.

Mackragorn: "Ah, I see. That Swiss Army Knife was a pirated one. So it was rusty. That's why he looks so bad."

Suamwise: "But I thought you said it was because of your sing..."

Mackragorn: "SHHH! Be quiet! I am trying to see if I can heal this."

*Mackragorn slaps Kendo around a bit, kicking him in the guts to try and wake him up, which promptly sends Kendo into a semi-comatose state*

Mackragorn: "Oops."

Suamwise: "WHAAAT?!?!?! What have you done with Mr Kendo?!?!?! ARGH!!! PANIC PANIC PANIC!!!

Mackragorn: "Er... don't worry. His er... sickness has gone beyond my powers of healing. I could try singing him back to life with some Sheila on 7 songs, but he still needs more powerful medicine. But I can stall it. Can you find me some elephant grass?"

Suamwise: "Elephant grass?"

Mackragorn: "LALLANG lar! Now go get me some and push two milligrams of it in his mouth, STAT!"

So it was that Suamwise and Mackragorn left Peterpin (who was trying to see how fast his wheelchair could go if he zoomed down the slide at top rocket speed) and Minirry (who was testing out her new wonderbra she'd bought to counter boyfriend 'flat' remarks) with Kendo in the playground next to Jayatop, and went around looking for some lallang.

By and by, Mackragorn found some grass, and took out his 20 sen pocket knife out to cut some, when suddenly, there was a strange cold metallic feeling by his throat, and a melodious voice said to him:

"Eh, apa ni? Tarak kerja lain ka? Ada permit potong rumput tak?"

Chapter 4.5: In Which Mackragorn Sings Like Awie

2006-02-14T00:10:00.000+08:00

"... HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!! TO ME! TO ME!!! I AM YOUR KING!!!!" cried Mackragorn as he made his usual pompous grand entrance.

"Eh, where's my army? Aw heck, alone again ar? This Mat Rock business not good for keeping friends lar. Everybody run away when they hear me sing Isabella."

"Oh damn... have to fight now... UNHAND THAT BLOGGIT YOU SON OF A BENG!"

And with that gloriously silly warcry, Sekunder launched himself at the Vitch-King, shining a Eveready free torchlight at its face to scare it away from Kendo.

"Begone, evil Ah-Bengul!" he cried. Trying to hit them with his Pegawai Lalulintas glowstick. When that didn't seem to do much, Sekunder launched into the first verse of Bernafas Dalam Lumpur by Wings, singing at the top of his lungs.

"Lama mana lagi, Hendak ku turutkan!"

Hearing that those verses, the Ah-Benguls began to screech with agony. They tried to fight back by singing a Beyond song, but their Cantonese not very good (they all Hokkien lang mar), and they could not match Mackragorn's incredible karaoke skills.

"Kata telunjuk yang menuding kepalaku!"

As he finished the first verse, the Ah-Benguls finally could not tahan the extreme Mat-Rock-ness of the song, and began to flee. Mackragorn chased some of them, hitting them with his Pegawai Lalulintas glowstick, and even managing to throw his torchlight and hit the Vitch-King on his head. BOINK!

Once the Ah-Benguls had fled the scene on their BMX bikes (singing Beyond songs to themselves to sooth their wounds), Mackragorn looked over at Kendo, only to see that the bloggit had gone pale and was frothing in the mouth.

"Darn it. Forgot to ask Kendo to close his ears before I started singing."

Chapter 4.4: The Cookie and The McD Vitch

2006-02-12T13:51:00.000+08:00

Kendo put on the Cincin Namber One

POOF!

He turned into a Chipsmore cookie.

But wait, something was not right.

All the Ah-Benguls could still see him!!!! In fact, they didn't look like Ah-Bengs anymore. They looked like a strange cross between an Ah-Beng and Maya Ka.. sorry, a Pontianak, and they were all wearing some tight-fitting pale striped uniform that looked like McDonald's staff uniforms.

Their leader, an ugly looking dude with an Afro (who was wearing a smiley button above his pocket with the words "Hello, I am The Vitch-King of Klangmar. How May I help you?") , was looking at Kendo/Chipsmore cookie in a strange, lusty way, drooling as he headed towards the helpless cookie.

"No! Stay away from me! I'm still a virgin!" cried Kendo, spitting out cookie crumbs in his panic. "I still haven't slept with all the cun bloggits that I plugged on my blog yet!"

Ignoring the pleas of the cookie, The Vitch-King reached out to grabbed Kendo's thing.. I mean, RING; but Kendo poked him with his stick.

The Vitch-King's face immedietely changed into that of IMMENSE FURY, and he DREW a short fake Swiss Army knife (made in Denmark, apparently), and poked Kendo's shoulder with the corkscrew part.

"AAAHHHH! SAKIT! My poor poor chocolate chips got (cork)screwed!!!!!" cried Kendo.

"Take THAT, you silly little Bloggit!" hissed the Vitch-King. "Would you like FRIES with that?!?!?!?"

Just as the Vitch-King was going to reach out for the Cincin again, suddenly, a cry rang out:

"HERE COMES THE HEIR OF UNICRON TO SAVE THE DAY!!!"

Chapter 4.3: From Amcorp to Jayatop

2006-02-03T12:24:00.000+08:00

...Jayatop!

"Basket, drive so long only reach Section 14 ar? From last Bumi-Tengah update until now, oledi Chinese New Year. This story macam tak habis habis wan lar," thought Kendo.

"Eh, can we go some place to minum minum ar?" asked Peterpin, who was hungry for sushi and sashimi. "I want my second breakfast!"

"Patience, Peterpin. Now Chinese New Year season, all the shops all close, so I have to come to the Jaya supermarket here to buy food, said Mackragorn. "Now, all four of you wait here, while I go buy some Gudang Garam.

"I've double parked illegally, so nah, I give you each a stick to chase away any traffic police that tries to saman the car."

And with that, Mackragorn dissapeared into Jayatop, leaving the four hungry bloggits by themselves. Kendo decided to go to sleep, leaving the other three to fend for themselves.

"Basket, Chinese New Year this year macam no mood only. Anybody got fireworks ar?" asked Minirry. Peterpin had some, so off they went out of the car to light their fireworks.

BOOM!!!!

Kendo woke up with a start. "OI! WHAT THE HELL YOU PEOPLE DOING?"

"We celebrating Chinese New Year lar. Stuck in car so long, no Angpau. At least can play fireworks lor. You want one?" said Minirry.

"NO! Stop it! Afterwards the MPPJ come and saman us!! We got no money to give bribe!"

"Uh oh, too late, I see BMX bikes at the traffic light," said Suamwise.

"GAH! RUN!"

So off the bloggits ran, up the escalator of Jaya Supermarket, where they came to the Popular Bookshop.

"Oh no, we're trapped! Why this Popular Bookstore only one entrance one?" wailed Kendo.

As they looked around in horror, the Ah-Benguls came in, and cornered the bloggits in the CD section of the store. The bloggits tried throwing CDs at them (Suamwise had heard that someone called Shaun had killed zombies with music records before), but the only one that had any effect on the Ah-Benguls was a Beyond compilation box set (which stopped them for all of five seconds, the time it took for the Ah-Benguls to stash it away in a backpack).

The AhBenguls knocked Suamwise, Minirry and Peterpin aside (lucky Peterpin had his seatbelt on or he would have fallen out of his wheelchair), and advanced upon Kendo, each holding a Michael Learns to Rock CD ready to throw at him...

Just then, Kendo thought, "Oh shit, What do I do? Oh! Maybe they are allergic to chocolate-chip cookies!", and decide to put on the Cincin Namber One....

Chapter 4.2: The Tale of the Ah-Benguls

2005-12-06T19:43:00.000+08:00

So it was that Sekunder and the four bloggits decided to hide in Speedy Video and wait for the Ah-Benguls to search for them at the mamak on the lower ground floor of Amcorp Mall.

"Whew! Lucky I pull you up here just now. The Ah-Benguls were already here!" said Mackragorn.

"BLUFF! You pulled me up here because you thought I was a COOKIE!" said Kendo.

With that, Sekunder fell silent. And then after five minutes, he spoke up again...

"You know who those Ah-Benguls are? They were once Bloggers like us, very femes ones samor. They were Tikors of the Jantan-Jantan gang. But Eyeron gave all nine of them a Cincin each.

"So they became kuli to Eyeron because the Cincins they had had a spell that make them think Eyeron is Lilian Too, and that if they follow him, they will have good Feng Shui also."

Mackragorn paused sebentar, for dramatic effect, then continued:

"So now, they no longer have minds of their own. they don't blog on their own anymore. Now, they have all taken to blogging about football only, and even set up this stupid football blog called Hantu Bola so they can hantam David Beckham and Man Utd all day, and assimilate ALL football fan bloggers into Liverpool fans. Damn evil I tell you."

"They've also taken to dressing up in black, dying their hair like Ah-Bengs, listening to Beyond songs and riding around on BMX bikes."

"BMX BIKES?" Asked Kendo, surprised.

"They got no money to buy Kancils to modify mar."

The five of them waited, and they waited, and they waited, and by and by, they decided that it was safe to leave. So Mackragorn and the bloggits went down to the basment parking, where they jumped into Kendo's Bill8555 the Protony, and Mackragorn drove them out into the Federal Highway.

"Where are we going lar?" asked Suamwise. "And how do we know we can trust you?"

"You HAVE to trust me because Gandaiz sent me to protect you. And as for where we are going, I will tell you once we get there..."

so Suamwise shut up, sulked a bit, took a few pictures on her cameraphone, and Mackragorn drove on in silence, until they reached a lookout point called....

Chapter 4.1: Mat Sekunder and the Chipsmore Cookie

2005-12-05T08:53:00.000+08:00

The Cincin Namber One FLEW up in the air! twirling a bit like ballet dancer, then landed NGAM NGAM on Kendo's BIG TOE.

POOF!

All Kendo's clothes disappeared.

"GAH! NAKED BLOGGIT!"

"EEK! FLASHER!"

"EEYER! SO SMALL! But wah, are those coconuts??"

Flushed with shame, Kendo hurriedly took off the Cincin, and put it on again on his finger, hoping that it would make him dissappear.

POOF! He turned into a Chipsmore cookie, now you see it, now you don't!

(Well, to EVERYONE ELSE, Kendo was a cookie, even though he was actually still in human form. Only he knew that though. everyone else wanted to eat him.)

Just as a cockroach was about to scurry over and stomp its dirty legs all over the cookie, Kendo (the cookie) managed to take the Cincin off, and stomp on it. Then, suddenly, he felt a rough pair of hands LIFT him off the floor, and haul him upstairs to the Speedy Video shop on the Ground floor.

"EH? Ceh, I thought got cookie to eat."

Kendo opened his eyes to see a rather disappointed and scruffy looking Mat Rock (who also happens to be a Pegawai Lalulintas) staring at him longingly (and hungrily).

"NO COOKIES HERE! WHAT DO YOU WANT?" yelled Kendo.

"Calm down, Young Bloggit. I know what hunts you. The Nine Ah Bengs Riders are out in full force, and they would have smelled the delicious scent of Chipsmore cookies and come after you as soon as you put on that Cincin just now."

Then, as soon as the Mat Rock had finished saying that, the other three Bloggits (ok, maybe just two, since Peterpin had to take the lift because his wheelchair couldn't go up the escalator), Suamwise wielding a beer bottle, and Minirry brandishing a chopstick. (Peterpin roleld in ten minutes later, vrooming his wheelchair's engine threateningly)

"OI! Unhand him, you foul Mat Rock!" yelled Suamwise. "Or else I'll hit you with this bottle of Hoegarden! After I've finished it first, of course."

"Calm down, my little Bloggits, I mean you no harm. Gandaiz sent me to protect you, for I am the champion of young bloggits all over the world."

"Oh yeah? What's your name then?" asked Kendo.

"My name? My fellow Mat Rocks call me Mat Sekunder, because I always come in second in all the illegal races, but my REAL name is...

Mackragorn, Son of Megatron, Heir of Unicron!!!!"

After a dramatic pause, standing up with legs akimbo and hands on hips, Mackragorn continued:

"I Am the Rightful KING of all BLOGGERS! Behold, my BLOG that was under investigation and almost broken! TO ME, BLOGGERS! TO ME!! I AM YOUR KING! DO SQUATS FOR ME!!!!

"Oops, did I say that out loud? Damn my sub-concious delusions of grandeur."

Chapter 4.0: The Bloggits get to Amcorp Mall

2005-11-28T18:15:00.000+08:00

At the same time as when Gandaiz was just about to jump off the Menara Telegard with his parachute,

Kendo was driving into the Amcorp Mall car park, where he had to pay bloody RM2 for a crappy parking lot.

As he pulled in, one of the security guards asked them, "OI! APA BIKIN SINI?"

"We're going to the mamak shop inside. Apa kita bikin is none of your damn business."

"Oi, don't scold him like that lar. he's only doing his job," said the second guard. "See, you make him cry oledi..."

"WAAA!" wailed the first security guard.

Ignoring the two guards, the bloggits got out of the car (and got Peterpin's wheelchair out of the boot), and they headed towards the lower ground floor to look for Gandaiz.

"HEY! Why this mall got no disabled facilities wan?!?!?" cried Peterpin. "I wanna complain to the management!"

So off they went to see the management of Amcorp Mall.

"Manager! We want to complain about the lack of disabled facilities at Amcorp Mall! Oh, and have you seen a purple guy called Gandaiz?"

Since the manager told them that there was no such person, they all headed for the mamak stall to wait for Gandaiz (the manager had promised to buy them teh tarik in return for them not kicking up a fuss about the disabled stuff again).

While they were they, Kendo noticed a very dodgy looking character sitting in the corner all alone, smoking Gudang Garam, while staring at them and looking mighty suspicious indeed.

"Manager, who's that guy over there?" asked Kendo.

"Oh, he's one of them Pegawai Lalulintas. They carry those big BERHENTI signs and wait outside schools, and help the schoolkids cross the road. Very powerful, these guys. They can stop a lorry with a single whistle," said the manager.

With that, Kendo paid the stranger no heed. But just then, his fingers brushed against the Cincin Namber ONE in his pocket, and everything started spinning round and round. He could hear Peterpin still complaining to the manager about the disabled facilities, and Minirry was grumbling something about her period... er... film or something, and Suamwise was ordering some whoregarden or something.

Then, he heard someone shout out beside him... "BOSS! MAU MINUM APA???"

With that shout, Kendo terus terkejut, and he jumped up in the air, onto the table, and promptly fell back down again, and the Cincin FLEW up in the air, and so 'ngam' it landed perfectly around his big toe.....

Chapter 3.2: Shaoruman plots, Gandaiz jumps in a pot

2005-11-23T09:41:00.000+08:00

Shaoruman was busy holding a little post-Deeparaya get-together with his kuli-kuli, with all the food they can eat like Ramly burger, Hokkien Mee and dim sum. Roti pisang also got.

But there was a catch - They had to go and chop down as many trees around his area first.

"But boss! If we simply simply chop the trees down, the MPPJ will come and sue us, and all the Greenpiss all come and protest us... how?" asked one of his ork-kuli (who looked suspiciously like a certain pimp who also loves food), as he looked at the array of food and salivated.

"HAIYOR, you donno meh? I am Shaoruman the White Guy! I can get away with anything! Besides, they agreed not to come and kacau me after I agreed to let them come for this open house also."

So it was that Shaoruman's Ork-kulis started chopping down the trees around the area. One nasi lemak lady was very upset because they chopped down her favorite tree where she always go and sell nasi lemak, but other than that, there were not many complaints form the residents because they were all too busy gorging themselves at the open house at Menara Telegard.

After they had chopped down all the trees, Shaoruman asked his Ork-kuli to use the wood to build him a Kilang next to Menara Telegard to print pirated DVDs.

"Eyeron asked me to build him an army, so I shall build him one! I shall create the ULTIMATE DVD SELLER, one that can sell DVDs in BROAD DAYLIGHT, and can even sell them to MPPJ enforcers when they come and raid them!"

"Er boss, that one SS2 got a lot lar. No need to train ourself."

"WHAT? Oh, then no need to waste budget to train them lor. Go and rekruit, faster. All the rest of you, start printing those DVDs!!!!" said Shaoruman. "Now, get to work! I want to go watch Astro now. Don't kacau me until Jewel of the Palace finish."

--------------------------

While all this was happening at the bottom of Menara Telegard, Gandaiz was still busy trying to escape from the top of the tower. He was running out of ideas, and even his plan to bribe the ork-kuli guard with offers of girls to pimp failed miserably because the ork-kuli only accepted girls who had passed their SPM.

Out of desperation, Gandaiz was about to hatch his most daring plan yet - jumping of the top of the building without a parachute, hoping he landed in Shaoruman's giant pot of satay kuah - when he had a stroke of luck.

A group of weird looking men in jumpsuits suddenly came out through the heavily guarded tower lift.

"EH?!?! Who the heck are YOU people?" asked Gandaiz.

"We're BASE jumpers! We were invited by that white guy down there to come and jump off his tower during his open house, and try to set a NEW MALAYSIAN RECORD for most number of BASE jumpers to land in a big pot of satay kuah! We are going to be FEMES!" said one of the guys.

"Oh, like that ar? Eh, got spare parachute ar? I also want to jump..."

Chapter 3.1: Gandaiz Tries to Escape from Telegard

2005-10-30T19:39:00.000+08:00

So it was that Gandaiz was stuck in the water tangki of Menara Telegard.

"Woohoo! Now I'm stuck here, I have an excuse not to go to work saving those blasted bloggits. I can let that ranger guy do all the work! Whee!"

So, at the water tangki area he stayed, where he spent the first hour counting the cracks in the wall, the second hour immersing himself underwater to see how long he could hold his breath for, and the third hour looking down over the side of the tower, counting cars on the Federal Highway.

By the fourth hour, he was already so bored that he began to wonder if it wasn't such a bad idea to be out of this shithole and out chatting up bloggits instead.

So he began to hatch a few plans to escape.

His first plan for escape, which consisted of making a lot of noise by kicking the water tangki and shouting at the ant-like people at the ground for help, lasted all of five minutes and only resulted in him getting very thirsty and a sore foot to boot.

His second plan, which was to seduce Sharoruman when he came up for a chat, didn't quite work out very well, mostly because Gandaiz didn't have his razor around and couldn't shave his legs to make them more appealing.

The third plan, which involved blogging about his imprisonment and hoping someone would kick up a fuss and start an online "SAVE GANDAIZ FROM BAD EXAMPLES OF SOCIETY" campaign was scratched because Shaoruman had cut off Gandaiz's Streamyx account.

Gandaiz actually thought his FOURTH plan would work, particularly since it involved a little bit of magic, a moth and an eagle, but in the end, it didn't work because the moths he usually contacted had all died after accidently getting sprayed with Anti-Aedes fog.

So Gandaiz stayed on top of the water tangki for a little while longer, staring at the ground below, dreaming of having a proper Internet connection so he could start blogging again ("Blast. FOUR HOURS without pinging PPS. my hits sure go down wan").

Just then, he saw that Shaoruman was on ground level, talking to his kuli-kuli about something...

Chapter 3.0: Gandaiz vs Shaoruman the White Guy

2005-10-29T02:01:00.000+08:00

While Kendo and gang were still on their way to Amcorp Mall using the LDP, Gandaiz was already on his way, riding his Kapcai called Shadyfaxmachine to his taikor Shaoruman's HQ: Menara Telegard!

As he was approaching Telegard, he looked at the weird looking tower and said to himself, "Wahlau, whose idea was it to build a bamboo shoot building. like cheapskate Hari Sukan trophy only."

Just then, he heard a voice from the tower, "OI! Don't insult my tower. I cut off your Streamyx then you know. What you want, Gandaiz the Purple?"

"Shaoruman. I've come to seek counsel. My Streamyx always down lar, and everytime I call your hotline always hear the bloody song only. I damn sien oledi lar. You can pull string for me ar?" said Gandaiz.

"Oh, and I think I found the Cincin Nombor-Satu."

Upon hearing that Gandaiz had found the Cincin, Shaoruman suddenly became damn friendly. "Haiyor kawan. Why you never say so? Come up to my tower. I ask my kuli to go and fix your Streamyx for you. You want coffee ar? We got Starfucks. Very good coffee-flavoured sugar water. Guarantee give you ceret-beret wan."

So Gandaiz went up to Shaoruman's tower. Suddenly, he felt an evil presense...

Gandaiz: "GAH! Why got a big ball in the middle of the hall wan?"

Shaoruman: "Oh. THAT. MPPJ donno why suddenly come and put that ball here, and say for deco wor. Since got no use wan, I go and convert it to magic TV antennae so I can get Astro free and watch Wah Lai Toi."

"Aiseh, but now you know my secret oledi. You know I'm getting Astro for free. I cannot let you go unless you give me the Cincin."

Gandaiz: "WHAT?!?!? NEVER! Besides, the gold colour don't match your white clothes. match my purple robes better."

Shaoruman: "AHA! You dare defy me? I work for Eyeron wan you know! I boycott you and tell everybody you use disabled toilet then you know. HAH!"

With that, Shaoruman started hitting Gandaiz with his (fake) Astro remote, and force Gandaiz to breakdance on the floor while listening to Channel [V] playing old MC Hammer songs..

Then, with his evilness yang amat mengkagumkan, he magicked Gandaiz and left him trapped at the top of the Telegard Tower, inside the water tangki.

And there Gandaiz stayed trapped... until...

A Public Service Announcement by Eyeron

2005-10-17T00:02:00.000+08:00

So it was that Eyeron the Great took a break from Bumi-Tengah for a while, because he was too damn lazy to think of nonsensical stuff.

But as the Wheels of Time turn and Robert Jordan continues to milk more money out of gullible readers, Eyeron shall return to Bumi-Tengah soon...

In the meantime, does anyone have any suggestions on what you would like to see as a character in Bumi-Tengah, or what you want to see being written about here? :)

Chapter 2.3: The Vitch-King of Klangmar!

2005-09-23T00:01:00.000+08:00

So it was that after almost a month of procrastination (as well as a case of extreme parody-block that struck the director) that Kendo and Suamwise decided to set off for Amcorp Mall.

Just as Dindo and Suamwise were going to leave for the Amcorp Mall Bree-market, suddenly, Minirry and Peterpin came around and threw vegetables at them, pestering Kendo to let them come along.

Luckily, Kendo managed to find his own transport, a Proton Iswara called Bill8555 that should be able to fit all the bloggits into it, even and even have a place in the boot for Peterpin's super-canggih wheelchair.

However, just as they were going into the car park to get to Bill8555, they were ambushed by a scary looking person covered in black.

It was one of Eyeron's greatest minions, the dreaded Ah-Benguls, who were the NINE Jantan Tai-kors who kena tipu by the MIGHTY and INCDREDIBLY HANSEM Eyeron last time!

They are led by the owner of the worse ever Afro in the Blogosphere - The Vitch-King of Klangmar!

The one that ambushed them was wearing a black T-Shirt, with highlighted hair, and was riding a black BMX bicycle as fast as it could towards them.

At the sight of the Ah-Bengul, Kendo was suddenly overcome by an urge to take the Cincin Namber One out and throw it at the Ah-Bengul, but luckily, Suamwise hit him on the head with a cabbage that was aimed at the Ah-Bengul (Director: alright, NO MORE alcohol for Suamwise).

Kendo immedietely woke up and pressed Bill8555's alarm, and they managed to get away in the nick of time. (loading Peterpin's wheelchair took a bit of time, but luckily, at that crucial moment, the Ah-Bengul got distracted by a modified Kancil parked next to his BMX.)

With screeching tyres, Kendo FLEW out of the carpark, and headed to the LDP, only to see two more Ah-Benguls on BMXs chasing them. Luckily, the LDP was not that jam, so they managed to get away, and eventually, they got to Amcorp Mall.

Meanwhile, Gandaiz was on the way to see his tai-kor Shaoruman the Whiteguy at...

Chapter 2.2: Gandaiz Looks Up Air-Suam's Skirt

2005-09-04T00:04:00.000+08:00

Director: *Boots his Eyeron-self out of Director's chair*

OW!

*Grapples around with himself like Edward Norton in Fight Club*

Pant, pant.

Ok, now that we've got that snivelling Eye out of my chair, we can now get back to the parody.

And Action!

...

Suddenly, just as Gandaiz was telling Kendo all about the horrors of Pinky the poodle and her missing zebra-striped stocking-wearing minions, they heard a noise outside the window, and Gandaiz spotted someone dropping some eaves on them.

"Hey, I didn't know the underground car park in 1 Utama had windows," said Gandaiz.

"Oh, that window is actualy a glass panel under the escalator so Uncle Belacanboh can lie down and look up girls' skirts. Useful, eh?"

Gandaiz was speechless, because he was looking up a skirt at that very moment. Which turned out to be Suamwise 'Air-Suam' Gangrine's skirt.

"OI! OLD PERVERT!" she yelled, thwacking Gandaiz on his purple nose.

"HEY! I am supposed to be the one who whacks you, then grabs you and then throws you on the table and... oh. Never mind. Nice weather we're having eh?" said Gandaiz, blinking innocently. "Anyway, since you're here, I can send BOTH of you on the trip."

"WHEEE! ROAD TRIP! ROAD TRIP!" Air-Suam yelped, dancing around like a lu-lu. "Wait. Where are we going?"

"I am not sure yet. I still need to go somewhere first, to go and consult my tai-kor - Shaoruman. He is the most powerful of my order, and we all respek him because he was the one who chased Pinky the Poodle back to Pets-R-Us."

"You all go jalan-jalan first, and then I meet you at Amcorp Mall Starbucks, ok?" said Gandaiz. "Keep the cincin safe. And whatever you do, STAY OFF THE FEDERAL HIGHWAY."

"Why?" asked Air-Suam.

"Now rush hour lar, damn jam there."

Siaran Khas Semperna Hari Merdeka Bumi-Tengah

2005-08-31T13:59:00.000+08:00

*Siaran Bumi-tengah Tergendala sebentar untuk pesanan khas Hari Merdeka oleh Tuan Cincin Namber Wan, Eyeron*

Selamat datang ke Bumi-Tengah! Dan Selamat Hari Merdeka!

Nama saya Eyeron. Saya adalah seorang makhluk yang amat kuat sekali. Di sini, saya akan menceritakan kisah tentang perjuangan Kemerdekaan Bumi-Tengah dulu, yang mengakibatkan saya terkurung dalam HQ saya sambil menggunakan Internet dail-up sahaja.

Empat-puluh tahun dahulu, terdapat sekumpulan kawan yang telah menentang saya. Mereka ingin negara mereka merdeka. Tapi saya tak mahu bagi mereka.

Jadi, mereka mengumpul satu tentera pendebat yang sungguh kuat. Mereka bedebat dan ber cakap-cakap benda yang amat patriotik, sehinggakan saya tak boleh tahan, dan akhirnya, saya juga terpaksa menyerah diri kerana tak tahan jeritan MERDEKA! MERDEKA! mereka yang amat kuat dan bising.

Oleh, itu, saya terpaksa bagi dia orang Merdeka. Buat masa ini lar.

Sekarang, saya sedang mencari Cincin Namber One saya, dan apabila saya sudah mendapatkannya kembali, saya akan meneruskan penerokaan saya terhadap Bumi Tengah, dan merampas kembali kemerdekaan mereka!

Saya sudah ada satu pelan. Saya akan menuduh mereka dengan tuduhan bahawa mereka mempunyai Senjata Destruksi Menyeluruh, dan menggunakan alasan 'Saya hendak memusnahkan Senjata mereka!" untuk menyerang Bumi-Tengah. Saya telah mendapat idea ini dari Presiden satu negara yang amat angkuh sekali. Macam saya.

Sekian sahaja siaran Hari Merdeka ini. Sila duduk di dalam rumah kamu diam-diam, sehingga saya dapat menyerang kamu.

Sekian, Terima kasih.

Chapter 2.1: One-Two-Som in the Dark...

2005-08-28T15:18:00.000+08:00

... The bloggit was called Kaulum, and he spoke with a weird accent. One day, he found the Cincin Namber One in a river (Director: actually got more story to this wan, but later can ar?), and it turn him into some weird fella who talk with weird accent, and talk to himself a lot.

Sometimes he can turn into another person called also Vincegol, especially when that Kaulum never update his blog. Vincegol was a very conflicted personality who supports Manchester United, but also hates people who disses his homeland. He has a very ugly blog.

Anyway, Kaulum was happy happy staying in Gua Tempurung, spending everyday stroking his thing... sorry, Ring, when one day, another bloggit called Belacanboh turned up (he was with some tourist group, but he got lost while spelunking), found Kaulum's ring on the floor (funny how these things always end up on the floor eh?) and challenged him to play One-Two-Som

After losing a few rounds, Belacanboh decided to bet the Ring, but as he was reaching into his pocket to take it out, he accidently put it on, and he dissapeared! Sensing betapa powernya the Ring was, he cabut fast fast, and Kaulum had no more Ring to stroke. So he stroked other.. er.. Things.

As time past, Eyeron finally managed to get hold of an Internet connection, and began blogging again. This time, because he was so mad at the Elves and Jantan-Jantan (he still couldn't be bothered with the dwarves, who had now moved on to digging the tunnel at the Sungai Besi highway), he decided to find his old Cincin Namber One, and use it to subscribe to Streamyx.

But then, he couldn't find it, so he is stuck with Jaring dial-up for now, which means he cannot go out of his HQ.

But he is still looking for his Cincin...

...........................

....................

............

"And that is the story of the Cincin Namber One," said Gandaiz. "Good story eh? I always pride myself on telling good stories, especially when I have bloggits sitting on my lap."

"Anyway, now you know the story of the Cincin. And now I have to warn you - you have to cabut from One Utama."

"Why?" said Kendo.

"Because Eyeron is coming for you. He found out where the Cincin is by catching Kaulum, and torturing him into telling him where it is by playing the Crazy Frog song over and over again to him."

"GAH! Crazy Frog! The horror! The horror!"

"That's not all. He also showed Kaulum pictures of Pinky the Poodle in Zebra-striped stockings..."

Pix #3: Eyeron makes the Cincin Namber One

2005-08-23T09:16:00.000+08:00

Chapter 2: The Story of the Cincin Namber One!

2005-08-21T16:48:00.000+08:00

"WAH-SIOW! Got ring on the floor! Must be Unkel's wan. Yay! Can go pajak the thing and buy my dream car oledi!"

*Thwack!*

Gandaiz, in a fit of madness, hits Kendo with his gnarly stick.

"Oi! That ring got magic wan lar! Kenot pawn!"he said. "Come here, I tell you story..."

So Kendo decided to go and sit on Gandaiz's lap, and listen to his story.

"Er.. why do I have to sit on your lap?"

"Shut up, you wanna hear story or not?"

(Director: The scene fades out, and into a flashback scene that Gandaiz makes-up with vivid detail...)

........

(Eerie background music)

.......

(Sounds of backstage workers scurrying around)

.......

(Background sound:"OI! Don't touch me there!")

.......

(Director: Scene fades back to light, and ACTION!)

Once upon a time, there was a EVIIIL Blogger Overlord called Eyeron.. He was so powerful that no one knew he was evil. So he go and bluff all the elves lar, the dwarves lah, and the Jantan.

He told the elves, "hey, I want to start a business at Jalan Petaling selling ciplak jewelry lar. Want to join-venture?" So all three Tai-kor in the elf gangs decided to join-venture, and they make three damn power Rings to wear.

At the same time, they joint-venture and make seven Rings for all the dwarves, but the dwarves go and hilang all the rings, so Eyeron damn fed up with them.

So he go and make nine rings for the Tai-kor of the Jantan-jantan. He told them, "Ok, I give all of you some damn cun cincin, but you must wear you know? If don't wear kenot have magic wan."

So all the tai-kor of the Jantan-Jantan's gang all wear the rings, and all become kuli to Eyeron because the Ring got spell that make them think Eyeron is Lilian Too, and that if they follow him, they will have good Feng Shui also.

After he made all those rings, Eyeron damn clever. He quiet quiet make another Ring, called the Cincin Namber One, and it was connected to all the other rings by wireless network connections. With it, he can control the Jantan who wear the Nine Rings like remote control, and make them wear black all the time.

The dwarves had lost theirs while digging potholes in Jalan Tun Razak, so he don't bother with them anymore.

But the Elves hor, they damn clever. They found out about the Cincin Nambar One, and they decided to attack Eyeron's HQ to destroy it. But Eyeron lagi pandai. He go and put all sort of power in his Ring, and he upgrade it to 1024MB RAM, so the elves kenot fight him.

But Eyeron forgot to put firewall on his ring, and suddenly, this bloody idiot called Isidork go and cut of his finger, and so he lost the ring and his hard disk crash. And Eyeron went missing for a while because he got no internet to update his blog.

Isidork took the ring, and wear it for a while, but it got snatched one day by a guy on a kapcai (itulah, why go and wear it on the neck?) while he was walking around SS2, and while chasing the kapcai, Isidork got run down by a KFC truck. And no one saw the ring again...

Until one day, it was found by and evil little bloggit named...

Pix #2: Kendo's Choice

2005-08-17T10:05:00.000+08:00

Chapter 1.3: Gandaiz and the Cigarette Lighter Ring

2005-08-11T19:38:00.000+08:00

Soon, it was time for Belacanboh to make a speech. But he donno what to say. So he stood on the top of the Burger King counter and did a strip-dance instead.

He danced and danced and danced when he was about to take of his er... socks, suddenly.... POOF! He disappeared.

"Eh? Where my uncle go har?" said Kendo.

"He's still dancing there lar. But we cannot see him because of the haze," said Gandaiz.

but then hor, all the other Bloggits thought Belacanboh gone missing already, plus the haze caused by Gandaiz's fireworks was killing them, so they all go home.

Belacanboh managed to sneak off to his house under the escalator, and was packing his bags, when Gandaiz suddenly appear.

"BOO!"

"GAA!"

"What you doing lar?" said Gandaiz. "Going holiday is it?"

Yalar. holiday. bought Air-Asia ticket. Dam kau cheap," said Belacanboh. "Anyway, I've had my fun, now I give Kendo my spot under the escalator. His house in car park now in state of emergency because of haze. Here better. Got air-con."

"How about your magic ring eh?"

"Wat magic ring. You want? KENOT! It's mine! My Honey, My Sayang, My Pwecious!"

So Gandaiz became angry, and he suddenly become like Sadako, and scare the hell out of Belacanboh, who started crying like Rafidah..

"Oklar oklar, I give you. But must give to Kendo ok? Now I want to go to holiday oledi."

So it was that Belacanboh left his house under the Escalator to Kendo, and left a golden ring lying on the floor.

Gandaiz wanted to pick up the Ring and go and pawn it, but when he tried to pick it up, suddenly a FLAME came shooting out of it like cigarette lighter, and burn him.

So Gandaiz tak jadi pick up the Ring, and had to go find Burnol to treat his burn-wound.

By the time he finish applying the Burnol, Kendo came back and pick up the Ring oledi.

Pix #1: The All-Woman Bloggit and the Wheelchair Speed Demon

2005-08-07T12:25:00.000+08:00

Chapter 1.2: Suamwise, Minirry and Peterpin

2005-08-05T23:01:00.000+08:00

After the VIPs arrived, the party started. There was a lot of drinking, dancing, cavorting, and singing.

Kendo arrived a bit late too, and immedietely went looking for his good friend Suamwise Gangrine. she was sitting all alone, moaning about how she still hadn't gotten a Bloggit boyfriend yet, even though she advertise so many times in her blog, and masuk paper samor.

The only person who replied was someone called Rosie who picked cotton somewhere, but she thought it was the WWE wrestler, and was too scared to reply.

On the other side, Minirry and Peterpin were playing with some of Gandaiz's magic fireworks.

They tried putting the fireworks inside a bamboo to make a meriam buluh, but it exploded when they were lighting it, and the magical debris hit them hard.

Peterpin got hit on the legs, and ended up in a wheelchair - a damn canggih one, with DOHC, a spoiler, sport rims and blue lights under the seat. There was also a cup holder that looked suspiciously like a broken CD-ROM drive.

Gandaiz later install for him damn power stereo system, with TV samor, so he can play techno music at full blast and watch Hong Kong cantonese serials at the same time.

Minirry wasn't injured, but got hit by a piece of magic wood, and became a woman.

Chapter 1.1: A Shortcut to Burger King

2005-08-03T00:07:00.000+08:00

... The singing it turned out to be the ringtone coming from Kendo's super-duper tiny and canggih handphone, which was playing the new Complicated Minishorts-Remix, and sounded like someone was strangling a kerbau.

Kendo answered the phone:

Kendo: HARO?
Gandaiz: OI! What you doing in Starbucks? The coffee there sucks wan lar! Come over to San Francisco Coffee, the coffee here nicer!
Kendo: how you know lar?
Gandaiz: Somebody's little bird told me.

So off Kendo went to SF Coffee, where he found a guy who look like a brinjal.

Gandaiz was dressed in a purple T-shirt that said 'Ping me, baby!', and a purple pointy hat that had a star on top like a Christmas tree. He held a tiny stick in his hand which he waved around occasionally when the flies flew around him.

Kendo: Eh, why you all purple oledi? I thought you used to be grey?
Gandaiz the Purple: Haiyar, last time I go and tell everybody not to bold their pings, but then hor, now all the ping all grey grey only. So I have to turn MYSELF purple so then only people can see my pings.

Anyway, once the two had bought their coffee, and blogged about how the coffee in SF Coffee was so much better than Starbucks....

(Director's Note: NO, SF Coffee is NOT paying me for the product placement. Though they bloody well should at least give me free drinks...)

And off they went in Gandaiz to Belacanboh party, which was going to be held at Burger King, because Belacanboh's house under the escalator near Giant was too small.

Halfway there, Kendo decided to go toilet, so Gandaiz decided to head for Belacanboh's house first.

Once there, he saw a sign that said:

NO VISITORS
EXCEPT ON BUAYA BUSINESS
(Chicks can come right in)

Since Belacanboh's house had no door (he lived under a flight of escalators after all), Gandaiz just walked right in and saw Belacanboh sitting on the floor playing Chor Dai Di with his kids.

Belacanboh was looking very young, healthy and very buaya-fying, even though he was already married with two kids. Must be all the sambal belacan.

When Belacanboh saw who it was, he immedietly invited Gandaiz to sit down for a game, and promptly lost all his money.

(Director: Apara, so malu. Lose to a terung.)

Anyway, when Belacanboh had lost all his money, Gandaiz decided that it was time to go, and stuffing the money into his hat, he led Belacanbo to Burger King (via the fire escape stairs, because the lifts took damn long to arrive).

When they finally got there (after getting lost in the car park because Gandaiz never go to 1 Utama new wing before), everyone was already there and fidgeting and complaining because the two bloody VIPs were late.

Chapter 1: A Long-expected Party in 1 Utama

2005-08-02T00:25:00.000+08:00

(Director: Hokay, we shall now officially start the Bumi-Tengah parody. I decided to skip all that prophecy bullshit in the beginning of the film based on artistic integrity. In other words, I didn't know how to write the damn thing. So I decided to start with THIS instead....)

ONCE upon a time, in a parking lot under some shopping complex called 1-Utama, there lived a Bloggit.

Bloggits are little creatures who like to eat, party, and blog a lot. They live in parking lots under 1 Utama so they can take advantage of the new wing's free wireless internet access. Also for the chicks.

Bloggits can live all over the place, but due to their excessive blogging nature, they tend to hang out in a Pro-Jet petrol station near Jalan Petaling - called The PeePeeAss for short. That's where all their blogs come together. And also the best place to meet chicks.

Bloggits also sometimes have a tendency to take nude pictures of themselves and posting them on their blogs (which accounts for a lot of droolin.. er, i mean, outrage as well as occasional puking when the nude model turns out to be a chubby guy with a weird haircut).

The bloggit who lived under 1 Utama was called Kendo (not to be mistaken with a certain Japanese martial art). He is somewhat chubby, and has a weird haircut.

Kendo used to live in some funny place called Kuching, but got chucked into the parking lot under 1 Utama for the purpose of this story.

Anyway, Kendo's uncle BelacanBoh was having a party. Not just any party, mind you, but a party for his er... Eleventy-first post on his blog!!!! Woopie. Yay Yay. *Flags waving*

Every-one was gonna be there, coming from all over the place. They found out about the party through PeePeeAss, and so they all turned up - The Trolls, The Flamers, The FemesOnes and so on. All sorts of Bloggits were there.

However, Kendo was still waiting for someone to turn up, so he decided to go sit down upstairs in the Starbucks directly above his B4-G3-ND parking lot to blog there, while waiting for that someone...

By and by, just as Kendo was getting bored and thinking of putting another nude photo on his blog just to create more controversy, he heard the sound of someone singing....

Bumi-Tengah preview: The Director Speaks!

2005-07-15T17:09:00.000+08:00

Hewo evelybadi, this is your director, Eyeris speaking.

The first chapter of the LOTR parody is almost done, but before I kick off the parody, I would like to get a few things clear first:

This is MY parody, and you can do NOTHING about what I write here! BUAHAHA!
Everything written here is fiction, but will be based on real bloggers (mostly).
I will TRY to make you laugh, but no guarantees there. If it isn't funny, you're most welcome to cry instead.
This is going to be a very text-based parody, with occasional pictures here and there. I work better with Microsoft Word than Photoshop mar...
I'll be writing this in a pseudo book/movie style, with me as director/narrator.
It's gonna be based primarily in KL and PJ, for the most obvious reason that I bloody LIVE here and know the place best.
I could refer to Penang as the Undying Lands, but I'd prefer Sabah or Sarawak.
I'd toyed with the idea of turning Singapore into Mordor, but the geography didn't quite add up...
I'll be using bits and pieces of the parody I once did on the LOTRien Forums, so any LOTRiens reading this blog MIGHT find that some elements may have been recycled...
I welcome suggestions at any point of the parody, and if anyone wants to join me in writing it, you're most welcome to email me at eyeriz@gmail.com. :)

Ok, the Parody shall kick off in... er... about ... er... SOON!

Jeng jeng jeng....

Coming Soon to Bumi Tengah...

2005-07-12T09:05:00.000+08:00

COMING SOON!!!

Bumi Tengah presents...

In association with Eye on Everything Productions...

An Eyeris film..

Starring:

Mackragorn as the scruffy Mat Rock ranger who becomes a Datuk...

Suarwen, as the desperate boyfriend seeking elf princess...

Miniladriel, as the hoity-toity elf queen who stares at mirrors all the time,

The Visiting King of Alamak, as a black robed flasher,

and in the most brilliant and self-serving casting move ever...

The all-conquering Eye-Is-Sauron!

....................

PERSIDANGAN DATUK-DATUK CINCIN

Part one...

KAWAN-KAWAN SI CINCIN!!!!

...
..
.

Kambing Soon to Bumi Tengah...

Disclaimer: The director reserves the right to change the casting and the title of the movie at any point in time. And there is NOTHING you can do about it! BUAHAHA!

The Mordor Tea Party Buffet Line

2005-07-03T14:11:00.000+08:00

no, I haven't started the parody yet... be patient, young grasshoppers...

Oliphaunt Riders 101: Beginner's Course

2005-07-01T07:09:00.000+08:00

While I'm gearing up to launch the LOTR parody, here is a little preview of what kind of photos will be on this site along with the parody... :)

An Introduction to Bumi Tengah

2005-06-26T16:46:00.000+08:00

I've been meaning to start something like this for ages.

I used to write lots of LOTR parodies when I was active in the LOTRien forum, and it was great fun.

So I decided to start a LOTR parody for Malaysian bloggers, complete with pictures. :-) the blog will parody the LOTR movies (and books), with Malaysian scenarios, and Malaysian bloggers as the cast.

Now, all I need are suggestions for which Malaysian blogger should play which character, and we can begin.... :-)

The Contents of Bumi Tengah

2005-06-25T01:27:00.000+08:00

Chapters:

Pictures:

Misc: