BUMI TENGAH: The Malaysian LOTR Blog Parody

Welcome to Bumi Tengah, The Malaysian LOTR Parody blog!!

This blog is mainly gonna be a parody of LOTR using Malaysian bloggers as main characters. To be updated whenever I feel like it. :)

To read past chapters of the parody, go to the Contents page HERE)

Monday, November 28, 2005

Chapter 4.0: The Bloggits get to Amcorp Mall

At the same time as when Gandaiz was just about to jump off the Menara Telegard with his parachute,

Kendo was driving into the Amcorp Mall car park, where he had to pay bloody RM2 for a crappy parking lot.

As he pulled in, one of the security guards asked them, "OI! APA BIKIN SINI?"

"We're going to the mamak shop inside. Apa kita bikin is none of your damn business."

"Oi, don't scold him like that lar. he's only doing his job," said the second guard. "See, you make him cry oledi..."

"WAAA!" wailed the first security guard.

Ignoring the two guards, the bloggits got out of the car (and got Peterpin's wheelchair out of the boot), and they headed towards the lower ground floor to look for Gandaiz.

"HEY! Why this mall got no disabled facilities wan?!?!?" cried Peterpin. "I wanna complain to the management!"

So off they went to see the management of Amcorp Mall.

"Manager! We want to complain about the lack of disabled facilities at Amcorp Mall! Oh, and have you seen a purple guy called Gandaiz?"

Since the manager told them that there was no such person, they all headed for the mamak stall to wait for Gandaiz (the manager had promised to buy them teh tarik in return for them not kicking up a fuss about the disabled stuff again).

While they were they, Kendo noticed a very dodgy looking character sitting in the corner all alone, smoking Gudang Garam, while staring at them and looking mighty suspicious indeed.

"Manager, who's that guy over there?" asked Kendo.

"Oh, he's one of them Pegawai Lalulintas. They carry those big BERHENTI signs and wait outside schools, and help the schoolkids cross the road. Very powerful, these guys. They can stop a lorry with a single whistle," said the manager.

With that, Kendo paid the stranger no heed. But just then, his fingers brushed against the Cincin Namber ONE in his pocket, and everything started spinning round and round. He could hear Peterpin still complaining to the manager about the disabled facilities, and Minirry was grumbling something about her period... er... film or something, and Suamwise was ordering some whoregarden or something.

Then, he heard someone shout out beside him... "BOSS! MAU MINUM APA???"

With that shout, Kendo terus terkejut, and he jumped up in the air, onto the table, and promptly fell back down again, and the Cincin FLEW up in the air, and so 'ngam' it landed perfectly around his big toe.....


Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Chapter 3.2: Shaoruman plots, Gandaiz jumps in a pot

Shaoruman was busy holding a little post-Deeparaya get-together with his kuli-kuli, with all the food they can eat like Ramly burger, Hokkien Mee and dim sum. Roti pisang also got.

But there was a catch - They had to go and chop down as many trees around his area first.

"But boss! If we simply simply chop the trees down, the MPPJ will come and sue us, and all the Greenpiss all come and protest us... how?" asked one of his ork-kuli (who looked suspiciously like a certain pimp who also loves food), as he looked at the array of food and salivated.

"HAIYOR, you donno meh? I am Shaoruman the White Guy! I can get away with anything! Besides, they agreed not to come and kacau me after I agreed to let them come for this open house also."

So it was that Shaoruman's Ork-kulis started chopping down the trees around the area. One nasi lemak lady was very upset because they chopped down her favorite tree where she always go and sell nasi lemak, but other than that, there were not many complaints form the residents because they were all too busy gorging themselves at the open house at Menara Telegard.

After they had chopped down all the trees, Shaoruman asked his Ork-kuli to use the wood to build him a Kilang next to Menara Telegard to print pirated DVDs.

"Eyeron asked me to build him an army, so I shall build him one! I shall create the ULTIMATE DVD SELLER, one that can sell DVDs in BROAD DAYLIGHT, and can even sell them to MPPJ enforcers when they come and raid them!"

"Er boss, that one SS2 got a lot lar. No need to train ourself."

"WHAT? Oh, then no need to waste budget to train them lor. Go and rekruit, faster. All the rest of you, start printing those DVDs!!!!" said Shaoruman. "Now, get to work! I want to go watch Astro now. Don't kacau me until Jewel of the Palace finish."


While all this was happening at the bottom of Menara Telegard, Gandaiz was still busy trying to escape from the top of the tower. He was running out of ideas, and even his plan to bribe the ork-kuli guard with offers of girls to pimp failed miserably because the ork-kuli only accepted girls who had passed their SPM.

Out of desperation, Gandaiz was about to hatch his most daring plan yet - jumping of the top of the building without a parachute, hoping he landed in Shaoruman's giant pot of satay kuah - when he had a stroke of luck.

A group of weird looking men in jumpsuits suddenly came out through the heavily guarded tower lift.

"EH?!?! Who the heck are YOU people?" asked Gandaiz.

"We're BASE jumpers! We were invited by that white guy down there to come and jump off his tower during his open house, and try to set a NEW MALAYSIAN RECORD for most number of BASE jumpers to land in a big pot of satay kuah! We are going to be FEMES!" said one of the guys.

"Oh, like that ar? Eh, got spare parachute ar? I also want to jump..."