BUMI TENGAH: The Malaysian LOTR Blog Parody

Welcome to Bumi Tengah, The Malaysian LOTR Parody blog!!

This blog is mainly gonna be a parody of LOTR using Malaysian bloggers as main characters. To be updated whenever I feel like it. :)

To read past chapters of the parody, go to the Contents page HERE)

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Chapter 3.1: Gandaiz Tries to Escape from Telegard

So it was that Gandaiz was stuck in the water tangki of Menara Telegard.

"Woohoo! Now I'm stuck here, I have an excuse not to go to work saving those blasted bloggits. I can let that ranger guy do all the work! Whee!"

So, at the water tangki area he stayed, where he spent the first hour counting the cracks in the wall, the second hour immersing himself underwater to see how long he could hold his breath for, and the third hour looking down over the side of the tower, counting cars on the Federal Highway.

By the fourth hour, he was already so bored that he began to wonder if it wasn't such a bad idea to be out of this shithole and out chatting up bloggits instead.

So he began to hatch a few plans to escape.

His first plan for escape, which consisted of making a lot of noise by kicking the water tangki and shouting at the ant-like people at the ground for help, lasted all of five minutes and only resulted in him getting very thirsty and a sore foot to boot.

His second plan, which was to seduce Sharoruman when he came up for a chat, didn't quite work out very well, mostly because Gandaiz didn't have his razor around and couldn't shave his legs to make them more appealing.

The third plan, which involved blogging about his imprisonment and hoping someone would kick up a fuss and start an online "SAVE GANDAIZ FROM BAD EXAMPLES OF SOCIETY" campaign was scratched because Shaoruman had cut off Gandaiz's Streamyx account.

Gandaiz actually thought his FOURTH plan would work, particularly since it involved a little bit of magic, a moth and an eagle, but in the end, it didn't work because the moths he usually contacted had all died after accidently getting sprayed with Anti-Aedes fog.

So Gandaiz stayed on top of the water tangki for a little while longer, staring at the ground below, dreaming of having a proper Internet connection so he could start blogging again ("Blast. FOUR HOURS without pinging PPS. my hits sure go down wan").

Just then, he saw that Shaoruman was on ground level, talking to his kuli-kuli about something...


Saturday, October 29, 2005

Chapter 3.0: Gandaiz vs Shaoruman the White Guy

While Kendo and gang were still on their way to Amcorp Mall using the LDP, Gandaiz was already on his way, riding his Kapcai called Shadyfaxmachine to his taikor Shaoruman's HQ: Menara Telegard!

As he was approaching Telegard, he looked at the weird looking tower and said to himself, "Wahlau, whose idea was it to build a bamboo shoot building. like cheapskate Hari Sukan trophy only."

Just then, he heard a voice from the tower, "OI! Don't insult my tower. I cut off your Streamyx then you know. What you want, Gandaiz the Purple?"

"Shaoruman. I've come to seek counsel. My Streamyx always down lar, and everytime I call your hotline always hear the bloody song only. I damn sien oledi lar. You can pull string for me ar?" said Gandaiz.

"Oh, and I think I found the Cincin Nombor-Satu."

Upon hearing that Gandaiz had found the Cincin, Shaoruman suddenly became damn friendly. "Haiyor kawan. Why you never say so? Come up to my tower. I ask my kuli to go and fix your Streamyx for you. You want coffee ar? We got Starfucks. Very good coffee-flavoured sugar water. Guarantee give you ceret-beret wan."

So Gandaiz went up to Shaoruman's tower. Suddenly, he felt an evil presense...

Gandaiz: "GAH! Why got a big ball in the middle of the hall wan?"

Shaoruman: "Oh. THAT. MPPJ donno why suddenly come and put that ball here, and say for deco wor. Since got no use wan, I go and convert it to magic TV antennae so I can get Astro free and watch Wah Lai Toi."

"Aiseh, but now you know my secret oledi. You know I'm getting Astro for free. I cannot let you go unless you give me the Cincin."

Gandaiz: "WHAT?!?!? NEVER! Besides, the gold colour don't match your white clothes. match my purple robes better."

Shaoruman: "AHA! You dare defy me? I work for Eyeron wan you know! I boycott you and tell everybody you use disabled toilet then you know. HAH!"

With that, Shaoruman started hitting Gandaiz with his (fake) Astro remote, and force Gandaiz to breakdance on the floor while listening to Channel [V] playing old MC Hammer songs..

Then, with his evilness yang amat mengkagumkan, he magicked Gandaiz and left him trapped at the top of the Telegard Tower, inside the water tangki.

And there Gandaiz stayed trapped... until...


Monday, October 17, 2005

A Public Service Announcement by Eyeron

So it was that Eyeron the Great took a break from Bumi-Tengah for a while, because he was too damn lazy to think of nonsensical stuff.

But as the Wheels of Time turn and Robert Jordan continues to milk more money out of gullible readers, Eyeron shall return to Bumi-Tengah soon...

In the meantime, does anyone have any suggestions on what you would like to see as a character in Bumi-Tengah, or what you want to see being written about here? :)