BUMI TENGAH: The Malaysian LOTR Blog Parody

Welcome to Bumi Tengah, The Malaysian LOTR Parody blog!!

This blog is mainly gonna be a parody of LOTR using Malaysian bloggers as main characters. To be updated whenever I feel like it. :)

To read past chapters of the parody, go to the Contents page HERE)

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Chapter 5.1: The Debut of Pointy Ears

Mackragorn looked up, and to his horror, saw standing in front of him, a guy with pointy ears, long blonde hair, a rather hamsap look, and pointing a frozen Koi fish at his neck.

Mackragorn: "GAH!"

DIRECTOR: "CUT! Oi, LeKYolas! You're not supposed to be in this scene! Get off the stage!"

*LeKYolas pouts, and then storms off the stage to go swim with his Koi fishes*

DIRECTOR: "Ok, now that we've gotten rid of that hamsap lou (what was he doing makign a pass at Mackragorn anyway?), we can start again. and... ACTION!"

So, wiping the cold sweat of his forehead, Mackragorn turns back to cutting the lallang. Deciding that the 20 sen pocket knife is too slow, he decides to strap on his grass cutting machine (he carries it around in case got part-time grass cutting job when he is off Pegawai Lalulintas duty), and proceeds to hack bales of lallang at one go.

Mackragorn: BUAHAHAHA! See I so macho. And at anytime soon, my fair lady girlfriend will turn up and we shall make sweet love in the bed of lalang I have made!

Suddenly, as he is fantasizing about his romp in the lallang, he felt cold steel against his neck once again.

he thought to himself: "Aha! She is finally here!" and turns around, only to see....

ANOTHER guy, but with short hair, spectacles, pointy ears, and a little chubby.

Chubby elf: "Behold! I am Glordindel! I have come to help you save Kendo!"

Mackragorn: "GAH! Where is my lady love!?!?! Isn't she supposed to be the one who comes and save me? I have this nice soft bed of lallang all ready and we were going to... er... urm..

Glordindel: "Ahem. Enough dude. You see, the director decided that the movie version where the pouncy elf chick comes out to save the day was just too dumb, and too different from the book version that he decided to follow the book this time around and sent ME to save Kendo instead. Besides, he hates Liv Tyler anyway.

Mackragorn: "NOOOO! What have you done with my beloved then?!?!?!"

Glordindel: "Oh, don't worry. Your awek is now in her room, knitting some new briefs with your standard on them for you."

Mackragorn: "Oh. That's alright then. I was running out of underwear anyway.

So, Mackragorn and Glordindel headed back to the camp, where Suamwise was trying to force a whole lalang grass down Kendo's throat, and they swiftly put Kendo on Glordindel's Kapcai...

Mackragorn: "Wait a minute. A KAPCAI??!??! What happened to your Proton Iswara?"

Glordindel: "Oh. he got a better part in this parody."

... and off he went, with Kendo stuffed in the front basket, putt-putt-putting away down the road.

As they arrived at the Rothmans Roundabout, Glordindel looked back and saw...


Sunday, February 26, 2006

Chapter 5.0: Kendo gets sick, Suamwise panics

Mackragorn rushed over to Kendo (who was covering his ears with his hands screaming, "NOOO!!! AWIE!! AWIE!! STOP THE HORROR!!!") and checked his pulse (to which Suamwise said: "Allo, brader. The fella still screaming and kicking lar. Mana ada mati?"), and finally, looked at where the Virch-King had stabbed Kendo with a Swiss (Danish-made) Army Knife.

Mackragorn: "Ah, I see. That Swiss Army Knife was a pirated one. So it was rusty. That's why he looks so bad."

Suamwise: "But I thought you said it was because of your sing..."

Mackragorn: "SHHH! Be quiet! I am trying to see if I can heal this."

*Mackragorn slaps Kendo around a bit, kicking him in the guts to try and wake him up, which promptly sends Kendo into a semi-comatose state*

Mackragorn: "Oops."

Suamwise: "WHAAAT?!?!?! What have you done with Mr Kendo?!?!?! ARGH!!! PANIC PANIC PANIC!!!

Mackragorn: "Er... don't worry. His er... sickness has gone beyond my powers of healing. I could try singing him back to life with some Sheila on 7 songs, but he still needs more powerful medicine. But I can stall it. Can you find me some elephant grass?"

Suamwise: "Elephant grass?"

Mackragorn: "LALLANG lar! Now go get me some and push two milligrams of it in his mouth, STAT!"

So it was that Suamwise and Mackragorn left Peterpin (who was trying to see how fast his wheelchair could go if he zoomed down the slide at top rocket speed) and Minirry (who was testing out her new wonderbra she'd bought to counter boyfriend 'flat' remarks) with Kendo in the playground next to Jayatop, and went around looking for some lallang.

By and by, Mackragorn found some grass, and took out his 20 sen pocket knife out to cut some, when suddenly, there was a strange cold metallic feeling by his throat, and a melodious voice said to him:

"Eh, apa ni? Tarak kerja lain ka? Ada permit potong rumput tak?"


Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Chapter 4.5: In Which Mackragorn Sings Like Awie

"... HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!! TO ME! TO ME!!! I AM YOUR KING!!!!" cried Mackragorn as he made his usual pompous grand entrance.

"Eh, where's my army? Aw heck, alone again ar? This Mat Rock business not good for keeping friends lar. Everybody run away when they hear me sing Isabella."

"Oh damn... have to fight now... UNHAND THAT BLOGGIT YOU SON OF A BENG!"

And with that gloriously silly warcry, Sekunder launched himself at the Vitch-King, shining a Eveready free torchlight at its face to scare it away from Kendo.

"Begone, evil Ah-Bengul!" he cried. Trying to hit them with his Pegawai Lalulintas glowstick. When that didn't seem to do much, Sekunder launched into the first verse of Bernafas Dalam Lumpur by Wings, singing at the top of his lungs.

"Lama mana lagi, Hendak ku turutkan!"

Hearing that those verses, the Ah-Benguls began to screech with agony. They tried to fight back by singing a Beyond song, but their Cantonese not very good (they all Hokkien lang mar), and they could not match Mackragorn's incredible karaoke skills.

"Kata telunjuk yang menuding kepalaku!"

As he finished the first verse, the Ah-Benguls finally could not tahan the extreme Mat-Rock-ness of the song, and began to flee. Mackragorn chased some of them, hitting them with his Pegawai Lalulintas glowstick, and even managing to throw his torchlight and hit the Vitch-King on his head. BOINK!

Once the Ah-Benguls had fled the scene on their BMX bikes (singing Beyond songs to themselves to sooth their wounds), Mackragorn looked over at Kendo, only to see that the bloggit had gone pale and was frothing in the mouth.

"Darn it. Forgot to ask Kendo to close his ears before I started singing."


Sunday, February 12, 2006

Chapter 4.4: The Cookie and The McD Vitch

Kendo put on the Cincin Namber One


He turned into a Chipsmore cookie.

But wait, something was not right.

All the Ah-Benguls could still see him!!!! In fact, they didn't look like Ah-Bengs anymore. They looked like a strange cross between an Ah-Beng and Maya Ka.. sorry, a Pontianak, and they were all wearing some tight-fitting pale striped uniform that looked like McDonald's staff uniforms.

Their leader, an ugly looking dude with an Afro (who was wearing a smiley button above his pocket with the words "Hello, I am The Vitch-King of Klangmar. How May I help you?") , was looking at Kendo/Chipsmore cookie in a strange, lusty way, drooling as he headed towards the helpless cookie.

"No! Stay away from me! I'm still a virgin!" cried Kendo, spitting out cookie crumbs in his panic. "I still haven't slept with all the cun bloggits that I plugged on my blog yet!"

Ignoring the pleas of the cookie, The Vitch-King reached out to grabbed Kendo's thing.. I mean, RING; but Kendo poked him with his stick.

The Vitch-King's face immedietely changed into that of IMMENSE FURY, and he DREW a short fake Swiss Army knife (made in Denmark, apparently), and poked Kendo's shoulder with the corkscrew part.

"AAAHHHH! SAKIT! My poor poor chocolate chips got (cork)screwed!!!!!" cried Kendo.

"Take THAT, you silly little Bloggit!" hissed the Vitch-King. "Would you like FRIES with that?!?!?!?"

Just as the Vitch-King was going to reach out for the Cincin again, suddenly, a cry rang out:



Friday, February 03, 2006

Chapter 4.3: From Amcorp to Jayatop


"Basket, drive so long only reach Section 14 ar? From last Bumi-Tengah update until now, oledi Chinese New Year. This story macam tak habis habis wan lar," thought Kendo.

"Eh, can we go some place to minum minum ar?" asked Peterpin, who was hungry for sushi and sashimi. "I want my second breakfast!"

"Patience, Peterpin. Now Chinese New Year season, all the shops all close, so I have to come to the Jaya supermarket here to buy food, said Mackragorn. "Now, all four of you wait here, while I go buy some Gudang Garam.

"I've double parked illegally, so nah, I give you each a stick to chase away any traffic police that tries to saman the car."

And with that, Mackragorn dissapeared into Jayatop, leaving the four hungry bloggits by themselves. Kendo decided to go to sleep, leaving the other three to fend for themselves.

"Basket, Chinese New Year this year macam no mood only. Anybody got fireworks ar?" asked Minirry. Peterpin had some, so off they went out of the car to light their fireworks.


Kendo woke up with a start. "OI! WHAT THE HELL YOU PEOPLE DOING?"

"We celebrating Chinese New Year lar. Stuck in car so long, no Angpau. At least can play fireworks lor. You want one?" said Minirry.

"NO! Stop it! Afterwards the MPPJ come and saman us!! We got no money to give bribe!"

"Uh oh, too late, I see BMX bikes at the traffic light," said Suamwise.


So off the bloggits ran, up the escalator of Jaya Supermarket, where they came to the Popular Bookshop.

"Oh no, we're trapped! Why this Popular Bookstore only one entrance one?" wailed Kendo.

As they looked around in horror, the Ah-Benguls came in, and cornered the bloggits in the CD section of the store. The bloggits tried throwing CDs at them (Suamwise had heard that someone called Shaun had killed zombies with music records before), but the only one that had any effect on the Ah-Benguls was a Beyond compilation box set (which stopped them for all of five seconds, the time it took for the Ah-Benguls to stash it away in a backpack).

The AhBenguls knocked Suamwise, Minirry and Peterpin aside (lucky Peterpin had his seatbelt on or he would have fallen out of his wheelchair), and advanced upon Kendo, each holding a Michael Learns to Rock CD ready to throw at him...

Just then, Kendo thought, "Oh shit, What do I do? Oh! Maybe they are allergic to chocolate-chip cookies!", and decide to put on the Cincin Namber One....